Holi-daze

It’s 4 am and we’re off on a Christmas adventure.  It’s December 23^rd.  We were going to leave at 3 am, but decided against it to avoid armed robbers.  Yes, that’s correct.  There are armed robbers camped out on roadsides who will disguise themselves as policemen and/or block your vehicle at checkpoints, forbidding you to pass until you negotiate with them and give them what they want.  When I first came here I thought this was some kind of urban myth, but no, it’s very true.  We even missed some coming to Jos a few weeks ago.  If the roads are too vacant  (which they are either very early or very late) you are setting yourself up for travel trouble.

As we haul out we sing praises for our safety.  I am beginning to LOVE road trips…but I’m in the middle.  I hate being in the middle.  Seven hours of squishiness.  I think I can handle it. 

Traveling through Nigeria (and maybe Africa in general) is a lot like camping.  You want to be prepared for any situation.  You bring sanitizer, toilet paper, soap, your pillow, and your own set of sheets…amongst other things.  For example, if you need to use the bathroom during your roadtrip, you might be lucky enough to find a gas station with latrines…but they won’t have toilet paper or maybe they will have water to rinse your hands.  Forget about soap!  And if you don’t find a bathroom, you use the bush.  We are headed to “the village”, which isn’t really a village but more like your local small town.  Some have running water, some don’t.  And usually you are without electricity…unless there’s a gen (generator).  As we reach Lakoja, the capital of Kogi state, we know that we are halfway through our journey.  Along the way we have seen cars packed, and I mean packed full of people.  (These are really more like cargo trucks that have been modified into buses, replete with what look like reclining chairs.) The people in these vehicles are determined to get to their destination.  There are legs dangling out windows, people hanging off of the sides, people on top.  I WISH I had a picture of this one truck.  It was madness.

Can you see the monkey?

Just a side note, the holiday madness here is different than back home.  While people fight and line up for sale items, there are no sales here.  Instead, prices are jacked up to meet the demand of the season.  You’ll see queues of cars packed in and out of petrol stations, trying to get fuel before the prices skyrocket for holiday travel.  Then there’s the traffic.  Traffic here is no joke.  Nigerians are not very patient drivers.  If one side of the road is blocked from traffic, cars will go to the other side of the road  (with oncoming traffic) and continue driving towards their destination.  Never mind that this is the wrong side of the road.  Never mind too that this then creates a traffic jam on both sides of the road.  Never mind that people are cursing each other from their windows.  It’s normal.  A friend left 3 hours after us, at 7 am, …and it took him 5 hours to go through a spot that should have taken 2 hours time.

Another fascinating thing you find while traveling through Nigeria during the holidays are checkpoints.  There are many inter and intra state checkpoints…common to checking for bombs, security, and even immigration.  Checkpoints though, during the holidays are both annoying  (because there’s so many) AND entertaining.  Everyone gets stopped.  Along our journey to Kwara we must have gotten stopped a minimum of 10 times.  And each time we get stopped, and although these men are wearing fatigues, helmets, and carry AK47s, pleasantries are exchanged with a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays sort of feel.  They might ask where we are going, and maybe they’ll inspect the vehicle or ask for papers.  But what they really want is money.  You are supposed to give these guys “small money”—anywhere from 50-100 Naira  (maybe equivalent to 40-75 cents) to pass.  This is expected.  One time we asked the guy to sing and dance before we gave him money, and he did!!  Before you travel, you need to make sure you have plenty of “small money.”  And if you don’t prepare, or have a run-in, you negotiate.  We never got pulled over and searched, thankfully, as my skin served as a kind hassle-free checkpoint pass.  Yet, others weren’t always so lucky.  I noticed one car with a policeman walking away with their Christmas chicken.  Not a frozen chicken, mind you…a live chicken that they had packed into their car to take with them for Xmas dinner.